Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Mother's Dictionary

Volume 8, Issue 40 Friday, October 06, 2006

Hello All,

The Magnolia High School Panther’s fought the Camden Fairview Panther’s today. Both teams were undefeated going into tonight’s game. At the end, the Panther’s lost 28 to 27. Camden Fairview remains undefeated. Still, it was a great game and our Magnolia guys fought well.
~~~~~
This Week’s Charlie, Dinah Sue, and James Fort story; “Loggers make a fantasy land”

Uncle Cecil’s land began at the southwest end of Hearne Street. We often played in his fields and woods. It was these woods we were riding through on a horse drawn sled when a panther’s cry scared the horse and gave us a ride to challenge Mr. toad’s. We dug up arrowheads, bones and other artifacts in the field on the far side of the woods.
Then Uncle Cecil decided to “log” his forest. This turned out to be GREAT! They hadn’t discovered “Clear Cutting” in Taylor at that time so the loggers only felled the larger trees. These were drug out with mule teams and piled along the edge of the pasture by Uncle Cecil’s house.
The piles of logs were great play areas and the debris left in the woods made for great games of “Hide and Seek.” We had a great time, climbing on the logs, trying to roll them off the piles and making shelters with the downed limbs and other debris.
Of course, we never considered that piles of logs could be dangerous much less that the piles of debris would make a great home for snakes and such.
We just enjoyed everything.
~~~~~
Dusty, Zac and I visited the Southwest Arkansas Model Railroad Club open house last Saturday. There were some great “N” and “HO” layouts as well as a selection of other scales running. One of our favorites was the “N” scale layout in a glass-topped coffee table.
The large “N” scale layout was composed of several modules and running three trains.
Dusty got to help some of the modelers with wiring and re-railing.
We stopped at Jimmy’s drive in for some needed sustenance and then Dusty and I went “spike hunting” down on the L&NW. He’s got quite a collection now.
~~~~~
Lt. Col. Oliver North spoke at the annual SAU Foundation Fundraiser Tuesday evening. Thanks to Bobbie and Annette buying us tickets, David and I were there. David was seated beside Jim Kennedy, one of the local pilots that flew Col. North in Max Story’s plane from Dallas. So David had a double great time, seeing Col. North and talking flying before the speech.
Col. North is a great speaker, entertaining and interesting. After his talk, which centered on support for the War On Terror, he took questions from the audience. Jack Pierce asked him about the criticism of the war by retired generals. Col. North was adamant in his support of the administration, while acknowledging some mistakes. He was also adamant in criticism of these Generals. He contended that if they were so concerned about the way the war was being conducted, they should have voiced their objections when they were still in leadership.
[Jack also asked him when he would have the story of the 82nd airborne glider pilots on his show. Jack’s father was a Waco Glider Pilot in the 82nd on D-Day. Howard Pierce was my father’s friend and I knew he was a pilot. He had flying model airplanes when I was a kid. But I didn’t know he’d been in the 82nd.]
I asked Col. North why none of the military citations won by soldiers during the war on terror was being publicized. He said that we should contact the White House and the Pentagon because the military bureaucracy was blocking publication of the awards. [The next day, I spoke with an Iraq War veteran who told me that the Department of Defense is blocking publication of the award citations because there is a wide disparity in the way different commands make awards such as the Bronze Star. The DOD doesn’t want the public to see that they don’t have a consistent awards policy.]
After his speech, Col. North signed copies of his books. I bought a copy of his “War Stories” book on the Iraq war and asked that he sign it. When he asked whom to autograph it to, I pointed at David and said, “To my son David, please.” Col. North looked up, reached across the table and shook hands with David. He’s a very engaging gentleman.
Col. North is also the founder of Freedom Alliance, a foundation that provides scholarships for the sons and daughters of service members killed in action.
~~~~~
In addition to his books of history, Col. North has written a fiction spy thriller trilogy, “Mission Compromised,” “The Jericho Sanction,” and “The Assassins.” All of his books are New York Times’ best sellers. Reading these books convinced me that the man is a Christian. I recommend you read them.
~~~~~
Coincidentally, Thursday, two days after we saw Col. North was the anniversary of Buzz Sawyers death in Nicaragua. Buzz was co-piloting the Southern Airways C-130 that was shot down by the Sandinistas while carrying supplies to the Contra Rebels. Assigned to the National Security Council staff in the Reagan administration, Col. North was the United States government’s Counter-Terrorism Coordinator from 1983-86 and was in charge of the operation to supply arms to the Contras.
I wonder if Col. North knew that the widow of one of his men lived a few blocks from where he was speaking Tuesday evening.
~~~~~
We’re saddened to report that Keith Burton’s sister Cathy passed away this morning. Funeral Services are planned for 3 pm Sunday at East Funeral Home in Texarkana. [East Funeral Home Inc 602 Olive Texarkana Texas 75501 Phone: (903) 793-3141]
~~~~~
We extend our sincere sympathy to Neil Turnage whose father passed away Thursday.
Funeral services for Mr. J.C. (Kid) Turnage will be Sunday, October 8, at 2:00 p.m. at Smith Funeral Home Chapel in Stamps. Family visitation will be at the funeral home Saturday from 6-8 p.m.
In lieu of flowers, the family has requested memorials be made to St. Jude's Hospital.
~~~~~
Lifeword Ministry fund raiser -------------- Antioch East Baptist Church will be raising money for Lifeword Ministries, a radio/television ministry that reaches billions of people in 24 different languages around the world with the good news of Jesus Christ.
If you would like to donate please see Genia Harrell, Wanda Cotton, or Tim Wooley
Thanks and May God Bless You
~~~~~
LIONS CLUB FUND RAISER
Barbeque take out supper
½ chicken, baked potato, cole slaw, and bread
Cost is $6.00/ticket
Pickup at Brookshire's Parking Lot Tuesday October 10th, 4:30 to 6:00 pm
See Billie Dadgar ext. 6185 or Ali Dadgar ext. 6512 or any Lions Club member
~~~~~
What is a Professional Firefighter?
The mere fact that you are a firefighter - paid, industrial, institutional, or volunteer - in no way makes you a professional. You become a professional firefighter only when you exhibit the knowledge, attitude, skills, and habits that have been honed to the highest degree by education, training, experience, and LOVE for your profession.
The Example and conduct you display at the scene is, and will always be, the only yardstick by which your peers and the people you serve can judge you and the organization you represent.
That judgment will form the opinion of each and every person involved with you and your organization, and that judgment will precede you in the form of your reputation as a "PROFESSIONAL"
Thanks to Jason Sands
~~~~~
'06 County Wide Emergency Drill on Tuesday, October 17 at 5:30 pm. we'll stage in the CCAS parking lot.
~~~~~
Put Saturday, Oct 21 on your calendar for an ARKLA dinner meeting.
DICK BAKER
~~~~~
Southwest Arkansas Model Railroad Club - - Meeting Tuesday, October 10, 2006 7:00 pm
Charles Colquitt's Shop, 309 West 13th Street, Lewisville, AR. 71845
We hope all of you can and will attend our next meeting. If folks can't have fun in model railroading then they just plain can't have fun.
Directions - (If these don't work call 870-921-4393 and we will come get you!)
If you are coming in from the East or West on Hwy 82 turn North on Hwy 29 (heading toward Hope). Follow the Hwy signs through the two turns (left then right). The 2nd turn is where Burge's is located. As you head on toward Hope watch for 13th Street and turn to the left on 13th. Turn left at Cherry St. and you are there. You will be looking at the carport end of our home on your right with my shop right next to the drive.

The Purpose of the Meeting is for old and new model railroaders to get to know each other, talk about the clubs activities, discuss shows we might attend, and the old standard - etcetera.
See you there,
Donna Jo and Charles Colquitt
~~~~~
Ducks unlimited will hold it's annual banquet at the magnolia country club oct.21st at 6pm. If anyone is interested contact Greg and Genia Harrell, Blake Hogue or Horace eddy. Tickets will be sold at the door on a first come first served basis.
~~~~~
Quota Club International will be sponsoring a steak dinner fundraiser to benefit the Girl Scouts.

This event will be Tuesday, October 10, at Mule's Cantina on the square in Magnolia - dine in or carry-out, 4-7 p.m. All proceeds go to the Girl Scouts of Columbia County. Tickets are $15.00 and meal includes 12 oz. steak, baked potato, side salad and drink. Tickets may be purchased from a Quota Club member or any Girl Scout leader or at the Stephens Country Store.

You may also contact Gary Sharp at @6237 for tickets or information.
~~~~~
The photos on the front of this weeks “Bleat” include shots of Col. North, Randall Whittemore, a friend who was among the hundreds in attendance and David and I.
~~~~~
Don’t forget to check out www.mcc2000.net
~~~~~
We’ve now got several addresses on the web for "Da Bleat." For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com or http://www.bugsbleat2q.blogspot.com. Older issues can be found at http://www.bugsbleatfirst.blogspot.com, http://www.bugsbleat1q.blogspot.com, http://www.bugsbleat3q05.blogspot.com, and http://www.bugsbleat4q05.blogspot.com. Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
www.aaa.com Regular
Current Avg. $ 2.10
http://www.fuelgaugereport.com/
~~~~~
Recipe(s) of the week - We’re sharing recipes from Shannon Voigt’s Taylor Recipe Book
Mom’s Pancakes - Vickie Taylor

Ingredients:
1 egg
1 cup buttermilk
2 Tbsp. vegetable oil
1 cup flour
1 Tbsp. sugar
1 tsp. baking powder
½ tsp. soda
½ tsp. salt

Method:
Blend egg, milk and oil. Blend dry ingredients together. Add to liquids, beat until mixed. Batter will be slightly lumpy. Grease griddle if necessary. Test with drop of water. When water sizzles griddle heat is just right. Pour batter onto griddle. Turn pancakes as soon as they are puffed and full of bubbles, but before bubbles break. Turn and brown on other size. Serve with syrup and butter.
Notes: Sweet Milk Pancakes: Substitute sweet milk for buttermilk. Add 2 tsp. more baking powder and omit soda. For extra lightness beat egg yolk add milk etc and fold in stiffly beaten egg white.
~
Sausage and Cheese Breakfast Cups

Ingredients:
4 oz sausage or crumbled bacon
½ green bell pepper, chopped
¼ onion, chopped
5 large eggs
1 small can sliced mushrooms, drained
½ cup (2oz) shredded cheddar cheese

Method:
Preheat the oven to 350º. Coat a 6 cup non stick muffin pan with cooking spray or line with baking cups. In a medium nonstick skillet over medium-high heat, cook the sausage, pepper, and onion for 5 minutes or until the sausage is no longer pink. Spoon the mixture into a bowl and cool slightly. Stir in the eggs and mushrooms. Evenly divide the mixture among the prepared muffin cups. Sprinkle with cheese and bake for 20 minutes or until the egg is set.
Notes: Yield: 6 cups.
~~~~~
BreakPoint
With Chuck Colson

It's a Mad, Mad World
By Chuck Colson
9/29/2006

Deafening Silence

Imagine an American president addressing the United Nations and concluding his remarks by praying that God would hasten Christ’s return and unleash the apocalypse. What do you suppose public opinion would be?

Well, something even scarier actually happened at the UN last week, and the world said . . . nothing.

That’s because the president in question was Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran. At the end of his September 21 address to the General Assembly, he prayed that Allah would send “the perfect human being promised to all by you.”

That “perfect human being” Ahmadinejad prayed for was the Mahdi, a Shiite messianic figure. What made the prayer so scary was that, in Shiite eschatology, the Mahdi’s return will be preceded by an apocalypse that leaves much of the world dead.

Since Ahmadinejad isn’t some nutcase in a backwoods cabin but, rather, the president of an oil-rich nation actively pursuing nuclear weapons, his prayer should have sent shivers down spines. What we got instead is polite applause and business-as-usual.

The response to a speech by Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez was even worse: After Chavez called President Bush “the devil” and joked about smelling sulfur left over from Bush’s appearance two days before, delegates broke into applause and laughter.

Now, President Bush doesn’t need me or anyone else to defend him, but the response to Chavez and Ahmadinejad, both inside and outside the UN, was appalling. It’s more evidence that historian Niall Ferguson is right when he says that “it’s a mad world.”

Ferguson, who teaches at Harvard, compared what happened at the UN to a “university faculty meeting.” “Extravagant, long-winded denunciations of the president is what we’ve come to expect from professors,” not politicians.

The madness is a lot more than rhetorical, however: Ferguson cited the coup in Thailand, rioting in Hungary, and the recent assassination of the deputy chairman of the Russian central bank.

Add to this Islam’s violent response to the Pope’s remarks in Regensburg, and the last thing the world needs to do is encourage an apocalyptic Holocaust-denier and a Fidel Castro-wannabe. Yet that’s exactly what happened.

To his credit, President Bush has shown remarkable restraint. That’s good because somebody needs to be the adult. While we all wish that there had never been a September 11 and that history, as some intellectuals in 1990s proclaimed, was over, we didn’t get what we wanted. As the events of the past few weeks show us, we live in an incredibly dangerous world.

This makes what happened at the UN last week and the silence in its aftermath so shocking. We’re in a clash of civilizations being waged by people, Islamo-fascists, who really do want to destroy us, no matter how much we prefer to think otherwise.

What’s more, as the New Republic recently noted, an “alliance of authoritarian regimes” is using oil as a weapon in its efforts to stop the spread of democracy around the world.

Christians, who should understand the religious and cultural dimensions of this threat, need to help our neighbors understand the volatile world we live in—and the dangers facing Western civilization itself.

For Further Reading and Information

Today’s BreakPoint offer: “Clash of Worldviews: Defending the Truth”—Chuck Colson’s speech on Christianity and Islam.

Niall Ferguson, “Insanity on a Global Scale,” Los Angeles Times, 25 September 2006.

John Hughes, “Don’t Reward Ahmadinejad or Chavez for Their UN Tirades,” Christian Science Monitor, 27 September 2006.

Joshua Kurlantzick, “Crude Awakening: The Coming Resource War,” New Republic, 25 September 2006.

BreakPoint Commentary No. 060814, “Preparing for the Mahdi: What’s Really Scary about Iran’s Nuclear Program.”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 060919, “Proving His Point: The Pope’s Speech.”

The BreakPoint Web site and BreakPoint WorldView Magazine feature Colson’s commentaries as well as feature articles by other established and up-and-coming writers to equip readers with a biblical perspective on a variety of issues and topics.
© 2004-2006 Prison Fellowship
~~~~~
Words of the Week:
swan song: a final or farewell appearance, action, or pronouncement.
recalcitrant: stubbornly resistant to and defiant of authority or restraint.
indomitable: incapable of being subdued or overcome.
bloviate: to speak or write in a pompous manner.
tutelary: guardian; protecting.
privation: the state of being deprived of something.
gambol: to dance and skip about in play.
from Dictionary.Com
~~~~~
"Man is by nature a political animal." - Aristotle

"It costs so much to be a full human being that there are very few who have the enlightenment, or the courage, to pay the price." - Morris West

"I am an idealist. I don't know where I am going, but I am on my way." - Carl Sandburg

"Language is a city to the building of which every human being brought a stone." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"There is, I think, nothing in the world more futile than the attempt to find out how a task should be done when one has not yet decided what the task is." - Alexander Meiklejohn

"There is nothing so good for the human soul as the discovery that there are ancient and flourishing civilized societies which have somehow managed to exist for many centuries and are still in being though they have had no help from the traveler in solving their problems." - Walter Lippmann

"Jesus wept; Voltaire smiled. From that divine tear and from that human smile is derived the grace of present civilization." - Victor Hugo
~~~~~
BREAKING CHRISTIAN NEWS
http://breakingchristiannews.com/

Victory for Traditional Marriage in California
"It is rational for the Legislature to preserve the opposite-sex definition of marriage, which has existed throughout history. . ."
According to an AP report, a state appeals court on Thursday, upheld California's ban on same-sex marriage. The 1st District Court of Appeal's decision reversed a ruling made in March of 2005, by a San Francisco trial judge.

Amish Community Forgives Killer and Raises Money for His Family
"The hurt is very great, but they don't balance the hurt with hate."
In what's being called a stunning example of "the imitation of Christ," WorldNetDaily reports that the Amish community devastated by the cold-blooded murder of five of its schoolgirls is raising money for the killer's family.

U.S. Supreme Court Must Decide Tomorrow Whether to Hear Abortion Case
EDITOR'S NOTE: We at BCN just received this special alert from Lou Engle and Bound4Life.com. Please take time to read and participate, as they are calling for emergency prayer as the U.S. Supreme Court is, at this moment, considering whether or not to hear the "Doe v. Bolton" case, and tomorrow is the deadline. Thank you to all our intercessors around the world for your vigilance in prayer, this is a very crucial moment for this country! – Aimee Herd, BCN.

Family Research Council President Questions the "Real Issue" Behind the Moral Direction of America
"This is the end result of a society that rejects sexual restraints in the name of diversity. If our children aren't safe in the halls of Congress, where are they safe? Maybe it's time to question: when is tolerance just an excuse for permissiveness?"
A CNS report says Family Research Council President Tony Perkins has noted: "When a 16-year-old boy is not safe from sexual solicitation from an elected representative of the people, we should question the moral direction of our nation." That direction, he believes, raises the "real issue" of homosexuality and child abuse.

American Evangelist and Chinese Atheist Official Co-write "Amazing, Historic" Book"This is the first time in the history of China that an international religious leader has been permitted to sign copies of his book in a large public secular venue."
Christian Northwest News reports that amidst fanfare seldom seen in China, Portland-based international evangelist Luis Palau and China official Zhao Qizheng recently released their highly anticipated, co-authored book Riverside Talks: A Friendly Dialogue between an Atheist and a Christian.

Christianity: A Global Explosion According to Mission Statistics
"Evangelicalism is growing twice the pace of Islam and three times as fast as the overall world population."
A report in the Christian Post says young Christian leaders from around the world met at a Lausanne gathering in Malaysia this week to listen to mission experts discuss the rapid growth of global evangelicalism. Lausanne is a missions-initiatives organization started in 1974.

Toddler Found After Being Lost Three Days in Rugged Texas Terrain
"I don't know if you believe in God, but this is truly a miracle that this boy is alive."
For three days, 2 ½-year-old Kevin Brown, who is believed to have wandered away from his home, was lost in the rugged terrain of North Texas in coyote country.
According to an AP report, when a helicopter pilot spotted Kevin on last Sunday night, he was nearly a mile from his home. Kevin was reportedly lying on his stomach at the edge of a pond as if he had been drinking, and the co-pilot jumped out, scooped him up and flew him to a hospital.
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GCF: Mother's Dictionary

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Howard) -Tom

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@egroups.com or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/ UNSUBSCRIBE INFO for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus before it was sent.
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Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Dad to get up at 2 am also.

Defense: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let the children play outside.

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

Full name: What you call your child when you're mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

Look out: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.

Prepared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.

Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

Two-minute warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Verbal: Able to whine in words

Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Galaxies

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Howard) -Tom

--------------------------------

The New York Times, among other papers, recently published a new Hubble Space Telescope photograph of distant galaxies colliding.

Of course, astronomers have had pictures of colliding galaxies for quite some time now, but with the vastly improved resolution provided by the Hubble Space Telescope, you can actually see the lawyers rushing to the scene.
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Good News / Bad News

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Donald) -Tom
--------------------------------

A pastor got up one Sunday to preach and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Contact Lens

Emailed to me from another humor list (Marty's Joke of the Day) -Tom To subscribe to Marty's Joke of the Day, send a blank email to: martysjotd-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he went inside and told his mother the lens was nowhere to be found.

Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes, returned with the lens in her hand.

"How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked.

"We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Cross-Country Move

Emailed to me from another humor list (Marty's Joke of the Day) -Tom To subscribe to Marty's Joke of the Day, send a blank email to: martysjotd-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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When we moved cross-country, my wife and I decided to drive both of our cars. Nathan, our eight-year-old, worriedly asked, "How will we keep from getting separated?"

"We'll drive slowly so that one car can follow the other," I reassured him.

"Yeah, but what if we DO get separated?" he persisted.

"Well, then I guess we'll never see each other again," I quipped.

"Okay," he said. "I'm riding with Mom."
_ ____________________________ _
____________________________
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / The best prayer ever said: \ /
\ _/ "Lord please make me the kind of \_ /
/ / person my dog thinks I am." \ ____________________________
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Does the name "Pavlov" \ /
\ _/ ring a bell? \_ /
/ / \ ____________________________
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / If you can read the writing on \ /
\ _/ the wall, it means the kids \_ /
/ / have found the crayons. \ ____________________________
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Lawyer (n): \ /
\ _/ Larval stage of Politician. \_ /
/ / \ ____________________________
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I intend to live forever. \ /
\ _/ (So far, so good.) \_ /
/ / \ _ ____________________________ _
____________________________
_ ____________________________ _
Thomas S. Ellsworth
tellswor@slonet.org
http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor
____________________________
Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
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[GCFL.net] Dust

A visiting minister at the start of the offertory prayer: "Dear Lord," he began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face, "without you we are but dust..."

He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little girl (who was listening carefully) leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mommy, what is butt dust?"

Church was pretty much over at that point ...

Received from Mary Rayner.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] The Godfather and the Deaf Bookkeeper

A Mafia godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million bucks.

His bookkeeper is deaf.

That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court.

When the godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.

The godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10 million bucks he embezzled from me is."

The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is.

The bookkeeper signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."

The attorney tells the godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

The godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple, and says, "Ask him again!"

The attorney signs to the bookkeeper, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him!"

The bookkeeper signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"

The godfather asks the attorney, "Well, what'd he say?"

The attorney replies, "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."

Received from Ray Matthews.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Coach Daryl

A group of high school coaches went to a coaches' retreat. To save money, they had to room together.

No one wanted to room with Coach Daryl because he snored so loudly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one coach room with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first coach slept in Daryl's room and came to breakfast the next morning with tousled hair and bloodshot eyes. One asked, "What happened to you?"

The first coach replied, "Man, that Daryl snored so loud, I couldn't sleep, so I watched him snore all night."

The next night it was a different coach's turn. The following morning, the same thing happened as the second coach appeared with hair standing up and eyes bloodshot. One asked, "What happened to you? You look awful!"

He said, "Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I watched him sleep all night."

The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a burly ex-football player. The next morning, he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning," he said. The other coaches couldn't believe it. One asked, "OK, so what happened?"

Frank replied, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed and kissed him good night. I heard he watched me sleep all night long."

Received from SDW.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Cross-Country Move

When we moved cross-country, my wife and I decided to drive both of our cars. Nathan, our eight-year-old, worriedly asked, "How will we keep from getting separated?"

"We'll drive slowly so that one car can follow the other," I reassured him.

"Yeah, but what if we DO get separated?" he persisted.

"Well, then I guess we'll never see each other again," I quipped.

"Okay," he said. "I'm riding with Mom."

Received from Thomas S. Ellsworth.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Punctuation

An English professor wrote the words, "woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."

The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."

Received from Duncan McLea.

(-:][:-)

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Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering. Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job." So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.
They moused. They faxed. They e-mailed. They e-mailed with attachments. They downloaded. They did spreadsheets! They wrote reports. They created labels and cards. They created charts and graphs. They did some genealogy reports. They did every job known to man. Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than .....
Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off. Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed.
Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming: "It's gone! It's all GONE!"I lost everything when the power went out!" Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work. Satan observed this and became irate. "Wait!" he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?"
God just shrugged and said, JESUS SAVES!

Thanks to Kenny Kendrick
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WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ (Passing requires only 4 Correct answers)

01) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
02) Which country makes Panama hats?
03) From which animal do we get catgut?
04) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
05) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
06) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
07) What was King George VI's first name?
08) What color is a purple finch?
09) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

All done?

Check your answers below!

ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ:

01) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years
02) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador
03) From which animal do we get catgut? Sheep and Horses
04) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November
05) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur
06) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Dogs
07) What was King George VI's first name? Albert
08) What color is a purple finch? Crimson
09) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? Orange, of course.

What do you mean you failed........Pass this on to all your brilliant friends............I just did..

Thanks to David Lamb
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Maxine took her car to her mechanic. She told him? "Every time I take any of my friends out in my car,? after a while there is this terrible smell !! . It? never happens when I am on my own"?

This quite intrigued the mechanic so he said,? "OK, lets go for a spin and see what the problem is". Off they? went. She drove down a one-way street in the wrong direction? at 70 MPH, swerving, hitting the curb on both sides of the? street, narrowly missed three pedestrians in pedestrian? crossings, ran several red lights, and just missed a policeman? on street traffic duty. They returned to the shop and she? said, "There it is now, there's that terrible smell.? Can? you smell it?"

Thanks to David Lamb
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OIL CHANGE MEN vs WOMEN

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change: $20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00

Oil Change instructions for Men:

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process.
Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2,500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1,500.00
Beer: $20.00
Total: $4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!

Thanks to Linda Miller
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WHY GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren,
nieces, nephews, or students... here is something to make you chuckle.

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that
even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.

And the first thing he said was

"DON'T!"

"Don't what?" Adam replied.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.

"Forbidden fruit?
We have forbidden fruit?
Hey Eve.. we have forbidden fruit!"

"No Way!"

"Yes way !"

"Do NOT eat the fruit! " said God.

"Why?"

"Because I am your Father and I said so! " God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped
creation after making the elephants.

A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!

"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit? " God asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you? " said the Father.

"I don't know," said Eve.

"She started it! " Adam said.

"Did not! "

"Did too! "

"DID NOT! "

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.

Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

6. We child proofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

ADVICE FOR THE DAY:

Be nice to your kids.
They will choose your nursing home one day.
AND FINALLY: IF YOU ! HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE: "TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!

Thanks to Jim Bussey
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Last Request An old pastor lay dying. He sent a message for an IRS agent and his
lawyer to come to the hospital. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his room. As they entered the room, the pastor held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The pastor grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and lawyer were touched and flattered that the old man would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled because the pastor had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them. Finally, the Lawyer asked, "Pastor, why did you ask the two of us to come here?" The old pastor mustered all his strength, and then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go.

Thanks to Greg McDaniel
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Welcome to You Make Me Laugh, a free newsletter from Crosswalk.com, the world's largest Christian website.

*Five Steps to a Healthy Diet*

The Federal Drug and Food Administration is planning to issue a guide for proper eating that advises you to:

A. List your ten favorite foods.

B. List your five favorite beverages.

C. List all green vegetables that look like marsh grass, fur balls, or little trees.

D. List water.

E. Avoid A & B; eat only C; drink only D.

(-:][:-)

*No Rest*

The doctor had just been buried. The last words of the service over, his friends and family started toward their cars.

However, they stopped because a strange, eerie sound suddenly was heard from the grave.

As the guests looked around, a colleague of the deceased said, "It's nothing... just his beeper."

(-:][:-)

*Lost Bid*

Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously when the auctioneer suddenly announced,

"A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing $10,000. If it is returned, he will pay a reward of $2,000."

There was a moment's silence, and then from the back of the room came the cry,

"Two thousand five hundred!"

(-:][:-)

*Drum Sounds*

A researcher arrives in Borneo to gather data for his thesis. Accompanied by his trusty guide, he seeks out a very remote locale for researching the behavior of the giant rat of Sumatra.

Around dusk of the first day, he's sitting by the campfire with his guide when in the distance, he hears tribal drums. They get louder. The guide announces, "I don't like the sound of those drums."

The dusk turns evening. The drums get louder. The guide says, "I really don't like the sound of those drums."

Evening turns to dead of night. The drums get louder and louder, until it is obvious that the drummers must be quite close. The guide says again, "I really don't like the sound of those drums."

Suddenly the drums stop, and a voice from the darkness cries out,

"Hey man, he's not our regular drummer!"

(-:][:-)

*Red, White and Blue*

A Dutchman was explaining the red, white, and blue Netherlands flag to an American.

"Our flag is symbolic of our taxes. We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bills, and blue after we pay them."

The American nodded. "It's the same in the USA only we see stars too!"

(-:][:-)

Eye Laugh

"Handyman Psalm"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw232

"Tired of Work?"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw244

"Restaurant Sign"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw245

"Cat Draft"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw246

"Bring a Friend"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw247

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2004 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.
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"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/speech_humor.html - - How To Give A Speech (Humorous How-To) "In a moment of weakness you agreed to give a speech. What are you in for? If you're lucky, it won't be any worse than this..."
http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
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Dictionary.com - - http://dictionary.reference.com/ - - Dictionary.com is a multi-source dictionary search service produced by Lexico Publishing Group, a leading provider of language reference products and services on the Internet. To use the dictionary, simply type a word in the blue search box that appears at the top of every page and then click the 'Look it up' button. This will perform a search for the word in the several dictionaries hosted on our site (see below). If you don't know how to spell the word, just guess. You will get a list of suggestions if you are wrong.
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Internet Archive - - http://www.archive.org/ - - The Internet Archive is building a digital library of Internet sites and other cultural artifacts in digital form. Like a paper library, we provide free access to researchers, historians, scholars, and the general public.
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Project Gutenberg - - http://www.gutenberg.org/wiki/Main_Page - - Project Gutenberg is a repository of more than 17,000 electronic books that can be downloaded for free. Most of these public-domain texts date from before 1923; they include titles by Shakespeare, da Vinci, Dante, Poe, Nietzsche, Edgar Rice Burroughs, Lewis Carroll, and H.G. Wells, as well as many other authors.
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WebMD - - http://www.webmd.com/ - - WebMD's services enable consumers to obtain detailed information on a particular disease or condition, analyze symptoms, locate physicians, store individual healthcare information, receive periodic e-newsletters on topics of individual interest, enroll in interactive courses and participate in online communities with peers.
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Financial Calculators - - http://www.padgettnb.com/tools.html - - Should I refinance my mortgage? How much do I need to save for my child's college education? As accounting professionals, these are some of the questions that are posed to us on a daily basis. We are providing these interactive financial calculators and other tools to assist you with some of the day-to-day questions and concerns that may arise. While these financial tools by Padgett Business Services are not a substitute for financial advice from a qualified professional, they can be used as a starting point in your decision making process.
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Yahoo! Finance - - http://finance.yahoo.com/ - - Yahoo!'s financial site provides financial information. Get stock quotes, market news, mortgage rates, currency information, and more. Related sites: The Motley Fool / MSN Money / SmartMoney.com.
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Biography.com - - http://www.biography.com/ - - Online home of the Biography Channel, with searchable multimedia biographies of famous or influential historical figures, virtual exhibits, episode and schedule information, and teaching materials for educators.
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------------ Safety From The Heart ----------
October 6, 2006
Today's Safety From the Heart message was submitted by Billy Varn.
Children Need Adult Supervision

I have noticed lately that a lot of parents aren't worried about where their children are or what they are doing. You see kids in grammar school driving golf carts on the streets and country roads, with no adult supervision. They have no respect at all for on-coming vehicles. You have to be extra careful, especially in residential areas, for they will dart out of nowhere in front of you. These kids can barely ride a bicycle, much less drive a golf cart.

Then there is the older crowd that are turned loose on even more dangerous ATV's. Sure, they might know how to drive sensibly, but they don't and don't know where to drive. They ride in the road at high speed with no helmet. You see them with three or four people riding on the same ATV and they trespass constantly on private land.

I had an encounter with this problem during hunting season. You think they would know not to ride in unfamiliar territory during hunting season. This is a good way for someone to get hurt. They could also wreck or get hurt while trespassing and the family will want to blame the land owner or the hunter.

So, please know where your children are and what they are doing. Don't let them become another statistic and destroy someone else's life at the same time.
------------ Safety From The Heart ----------
Halloween Safety
by BRT Employee Niomi Krzystowczyk
Halloween Safety Tips You Can Use
–
Copy and paste these Halloween safety tips into your company newsletter to ensure employees and their families have a safe holiday evening.

There is no real "trick" to making Halloween a real treat for the entire family. The major dangers are not from ghosts and goblins but rather from falls and pedestrian/car crashes. Both children and adults need to think about safety on this annual day of make-believe.

The National Safety Council urges motorists to be especially alert on Halloween:
Watch for children darting out from between parked cars, and walking on roadways, medians and curbs.

Enter and exit driveways and alleys carefully.

At twilight and later in the evening, watch for children in dark clothing.

Before children start out on their "trick or treat" rounds, parents should:

Make sure that an adult or an older responsible youth will be supervising the outing for children under age 12.

Plan and discuss the route trick-or-treaters intend to follow. Know the names of older children's companions.

Instruct your children to travel only in familiar areas and along an established route.

Teach your children to stop only at houses or apartment buildings that are well-lit and not to enter a stranger's home.

Establish a return time.

Tell your youngsters not to eat any treat until they return home.

Review all appropriate trick-or-treat safety precautions, including pedestrian/traffic safety rules.

Pin a slip of paper with the child's name, address and telephone number inside a pocket in case the youngster gets separated from the group.

------------ Safety From The Heart ----------
September 26, 2006
Snakes, Snakes, Snakes, and More Snakes
Today's Safety From the Heart message was submitted by John Gaskins.

I have in the last month experienced several encounters with snakes (both poisonous and non-poisonous). The first encounter was when my family was on vacation in Florida. We were at a timeshare in Avon Park, Florida when my wife stepped out of the condo and also stepped on a 2 and a half foot long Copperhead (which I proceeded to dismiss of in a timely fashion).

The very next day while we were at Cypress Gardens, my son almost stepped on another snake (undetermined kind). On the third day, we decided to visit my wife's brother in Port St. Lucie –Needless to say we encountered another snake - this time a Black Racer (not harmful). The preceding day my wife and I decided to go to Bok Sanctuary when we happened upon an Indigo Snake, which is rare, and not to be handled while walking in the Park. The story does not end here! Just last Friday I had to remove a large Rat Snake from under my carport area.

The reason I am sending out this reminder is to all deer hunters we have working at Albemarle. This is the time of the year snakes start to hibernate and will often strike at anything moving. So Be Careful and I hope you will not have any encounters (like I have had the pass few weeks) with snakes.
------------ Safety From The Heart ----------
It's Not Too Early to Prepare for Flu Season!

PREPARE FOR FLU SEASON

Washing hands, social distancing help prevent germs' spread
With flu season fast approaching, now is a good time to review the steps employees can take to reduce the spread of infectious illnesses.
Stay healthy. Eating a balanced diet, exercising and getting plenty of sleep are the primary ways to slow the spread of infection. In public, try to avoid touching your eyes, nose and mouth, which are potential routes of entry for germs. Get a flu vaccination, yearly.
Stay home. When you do have the flu or a cold, stay home so you don't spread the illness to others.
Wash hands. Do this especially after coughing, sneezing or blowing your nose. When on the road or when washing facilities are not handy, use waterless, alcohol-based hand sanitizers.
Keep it clean. Flu viruses can live for up to two days on hard surfaces. In most workplaces cleaning door knobs, desks, etc., with soap and water is adequate.
Keep your distance. Sometimes handshakes are not appropriate. In crowds try to keep a distance of three feet. Use phone calls or video conferencing when possible rather than face-to-face meetings.
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Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ. www.mcc2000.net
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Some "food for thought" for people I care about.
Carrot, Egg, and Coffee...You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again...

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see. "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.

The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity - boiling water. Each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.


The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

It's easier to build a child than repair an adult.

This is so true - may we all be COFFEE!

Thanks to David Lamb
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JOHN MCCAIN'S REMARKS ABOUT THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE!!! (http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/bl_mccain_pledge.htm)
In light of the recent appeals court ruling in California, with respect to the Pledge of Allegiance, the following recollection from Senator John McCain is very appropriate: "The Pledge of Allegiance" - by Senator John McCain
As you may know, I spent five and one half years as a prisoner of war during the Vietnam War. In the early years of our imprisonment, the NVA kept us in solitary confinement or two or three to a cell. In 1971 the NVA moved us from these conditions of isolation into large rooms with as many as 30 to 40 men to a room.
This was, as you can imagine, a wonderful change and was a direct result of the efforts of millions of Americans on behalf of a few hundred POWs 10,000 miles from home.
One of the men who moved into my room was a young man named Mike Christian. Mike came from a small town near Selma, Alabama. He didn't wear a pair of shoes until he was 13 years old. At 17, he enlisted in the US Navy. He later earned a commission by going to Officer Training School Then he became a Naval Flight Officer and was shot down and captured in 1967. Mike had a keen and deep appreciation of the opportunities this country and our military provide for people who want to work and want to succeed.
As part of the change in treatment, the Vietnamese allowed some prisoners to receive packages from home. In some of these packages were handkerchiefs, scarves and other items of clothing.
Mike got himself a bamboo needle. Over a period of a couple of months, he created an American flag and sewed on the inside of his shirt.
Every afternoon, before we had a bowl of soup, we would hang Mike's shirt on the wall of the cell and say the Pledge of Allegiance.
I know the Pledge of Allegiance may not seem the most important part of our day now, but I can assure you that in that stark cell it was indeed the most important and meaningful event. One day the Vietnamese searched our cell, as they did periodically, and discovered Mike's shirt with the flag sewn inside, and removed it.
That evening they returned, opened the door of the cell, and for the benefit of all of us, beat Mike Christian severely for the next couple of hours. Then, they opened the door of the cell and threw him in. We cleaned him up as well as we could.
The cell in which we lived had a concrete slab in the middle on which we slept. Four naked light bulbs hung in each corner of the room.
As I said, we tried to clean up Mike as well as we could. After the excitement died down, I looked in the corner of the room, and sitting there beneath that dim light bulb with a piece of red cloth, another shirt and his bamboo needle, was my friend, Mike Christian. He was sitting there with his eyes almost shut from the beating he had received, making another American flag. He was not making the flag because it made Mike Christian feel better. He was making that flag because he knew how important it was to us to be able to Pledge our allegiance to our flag and country.
So the next time you say the Pledge of Allegiance, you must never forget the sacrifice and courage that thousands of Americans have made to build our nation and promote freedom around the world.
You must remember our duty, our honor, and our country
"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."

Thanks to Greg McDaniel
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Activities and Events of Interest
~~~
The Emancipation Proclamation will be on display at the Clinton Library September 22-25, 2007.
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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/

The Department of Defense announced today the death of two Marines who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.
20. Lance Cpl. Edward M. Garvin, 19, of Malden, Mass.
19. Cpl. Benjamin S. Rosales, 20, of Houston, Texas
Both Marines died Oct. 4 while conducting combat operations in Al Anbar province, Iraq. They were assigned to 2nd Light Armored Reconnaissance Battalion, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

18. Staff Sgt. Daniel Isshak, 25, of Alta Loma, Calif., died on Oct. 3 in Tikrit, Iraq, from injuries suffered when his vehicle received enemy small arms fire at Hawija, Iraq, during combat operations. Isshak was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 27th Infantry, 3rd Brigade, 25th Infantry Division, Schofield Barracks, Hawaii.

17. Staff Sgt. Jonathan Rojas, 27, of Hammond, Ind., died on Oct. 3 in Baghdad, Iraq, from injuries suffered from enemy small arms fire while performing security operations. Rojas was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 17th Infantry Regiment, 172nd Stryker Brigade Combat Team, Fort Wainwright, Ala.

16. Sgt. Joseph W. Perry, 23, of Alpine, Calif., died on Oct. 2 in Muhallah, Iraq, when his mounted patrol came in contact with enemy forces using small arms fire during combat operations. Perry was assigned to the 21st Military Police Company, 16th Military Police Brigade, XVIIIth Airborne Corps, Fort Bragg, N.C.

15. Spc. Angelo J. Vaccaro, 23, of Deltona, Fla., died on Oct. 2 in Korengal, Afghanistan, from injuries suffered during combat operations. Vaccaro was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 32nd Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 10th Mountain Division, Fort Drum, N.Y

14. Sgt. Denise A. Lannaman, 46, of Bayside, N.Y., died at Camp Arifjan, Kuwait, on Oct. 1 from a non-combat related incident. Lannaman was assigned to the Army National Guard’s 1569th Transportation Company, Newburgh, N.Y.

13. Capt. Justin D. Peterson, 32, of Davisburg, Mich., died Oct. 1 from a non-hostile vehicle accident in Al Anbar province, Iraq. He was assigned to 1st Tank Battalion, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Twentynine Palms, Calif.

12. Pfc. Michael K. Oremus, 21, of Highland, N.Y., died in Baghdad, Iraq, on Oct. 2 after being shot by enemy forces. Oremus was assigned to the 57th Military Police Company, 8th Military Police Brigade, Seoul, Korea.

11. Pfc. Satieon V. Greenlee, 24, of Pendleton, S.C., died in Baghdad, Iraq, on Oct. 2 as a result of injuries suffered from enemy small arms fire. Greenlee was assigned to the 4th Battalion, 31st Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 10th Mountain Division, Fort Drum, N.Y.

10. Sgt. Mario Nelson, 26, of Brooklyn, N.Y., died in Hit, Iraq, on Oct. 1 from injuries suffered when a rocket-propelled grenade detonated near his vehicle. Nelson was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 36th Infantry Regiment, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 1st Armored Division, Friedberg, Germany.

09. Staff Sgt. Joe A. Narvaez, 25, of San Antonio, Texas, died in Baghdad, Iraq, on Oct. 2 after being shot by enemy forces. Narvaez was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 26th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Infantry Division, Schweinfurt, Germany.

08. Sgt. Chase A. Haag, 22, of Portland, Ore., died in Baghdad, Iraq, on Oct. 1 when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle. Haag was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 22nd Infantry Regiment, 1st Brigade, 4th Infantry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

07. Lance Cpl. Christopher B. Cosgrove III, 23, of Cedar Knolls, N.J., died Oct. 1 while conducting combat operations against enemy forces in Al Anbar province, Iraq. He was assigned to Marine Forces Reserve’s 2nd Battalion, 25th Marine Regiment, 4th Marine Division, Dover, N.J.

06. Cpl. Aaron L. Seal, 23, of Elkhart, Ind., died Oct. 1 while conducting combat operations against enemy forces in Al Anbar province, Iraq. He was assigned to Marine Forces Reserve’s 6th Engineer Support Battalion, 4th Marine Logistics Group, Sound Bend, Ind.

05. Petty Officer 2nd Class Michael A. Monsoor, 25, of Garden Grove, Calif., died Sept. 29 while conducting combat operations against enemy forces in Ramadi, Iraq. Monsoor was a SEAL assigned to a West-Coast based command.

The Department of Defense announced today the death of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died in Al Asad, Iraq, on Sept. 30 of injuries suffered when their vehicle received small arms fire during security operations. Both soldiers were assigned to the National Guard's 1st Battalion, 133rd Infantry, Iowa Falls, Iowa. Killed were:
04. Sgt. 1st Class Scott E. Nisely, 48, of Marshalltown, Iowa
03. Sgt. Kampha B. Sourivong, 20, of Iowa City, Iowa

02. Cpl. Robert F. Weber, 22, of Cincinnati, Ohio, died near the Qayyarah West Airfield, Iraq, (about 30 miles south of Mosul, Iraq) as a result of a vehicle roll-over on Sept. 30. Weber was assigned to 1st Battalion, 37th Field Artillery Regiment, 3rd Stryker Brigade Combat Team, 2nd Infantry Division, Fort Lewis, Wash.

01. Pfc. Christopher T. Blaney, 19, of Winter Park, Fla., died in Taji, Iraq, from a non-combat related incident on Sept. 29. Blaney was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 66th Armor Regiment, 1st Brigade, 4th Infantry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

http://icasualties.org/oif/default.aspx
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Please remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families.
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TOURBUS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -:) - :)- :)
Volume 12, Number 14 --- 03 Oct 2006
Tourbus Home -- http://www.InternetTourbus.com
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TODAY'S TOURBUS TOPICS: Faster Windows / Unchain Your Videos

In today's TOURBUS, you'll find a boatload of tips for making Windows XP run faster, you'll learn how to free your music and videos from the iTunes dungeon, and pick up some tips on successfully sharing digital photos with friends and family. Read on!

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Make Windows XP Run Faster
----------------------------

Is your computer running slower than it used to? Are you thinking about reformatting your disk and starting with a fresh install? Don't do it! This drastic approach will wipe out ALL your personal files, ALL your installed software, and ALL your security updates. You will start from scratch, as if you just installed Windows on a new hard drive. It will take many hours to re-install your software, download & reapply security patches, and restore your personal files.

It seems that sludge builds up inside a computer over time, much like an automobile engine. After a while, it doesn't start right up like when it was new, it stalls unexpectedly, and performance is sluggish on the (information) highway. Is there something like engine cleaner we can pour into our personal computer to restore that "like new" performance?

Actually, yes! My comprehensive guide to making Windows XP run faster will show you step-by-step how to clean that icky goo out of your computer's pipes, so it will start quicker, run more reliably, and go faster on the info-superhighway. You can do all of these things yourself, and all of the software I recommend is free.
Click below to read the FREE guide "Make Windows XP Start Faster!"

http://askbobrankin.com/make_windows_xp_run_faster.html

Tourbus rider Mike from Michigan tried my suggestions and said:
"Thanks, I almost bought a new computer since mine is 3 years old. Did what you said and I honestly can't believe the difference. In fact, I told a friend that I could speed up his computer if he wants me to. Now I'll have an "owe me one" thanks to you.

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iTunes and iPod: A "Protection" Racket?
-----------------------------------------

Many people are frustrated when they purchase videos on iTunes, and then find out they can't play those videos on their portable video player, PDA or cell phone. Apple, provider of the popular iTunes service, has limited the software so it will copy purchased videos ONLY to video iPods -- also an Apple product.

Those with other brands of portable video players are understandably peeved. The popular Archos and Creative Zen players are comparably priced, have much larger screens, and play almost any video format, including the standard MPEG, AVI, DivX, and Windows-only WMV files.

But iTunes will not copy a protected M4V video to any of these non-iPod devices. It won't even let you burn your paid-for video to a DVD so you can watch it on the big screen in your living room.

Fortunately, there ARE some clever ways to convert the protected iTunes M4V video files into other popular formats that don't tie you down to Apple hardware or software. Here's the scoop:

http://askbobrankin.com/convert_itunes_videos_to_mpeg.html

And if you're feeling the same pain on the AUDIO side of iTunes, check out "Convert iTunes to MP3 Format" here:

http://askbobrankin.com/convert_itunes_to_mp3_format.html

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Emailing Photos
-----------------

Are you having trouble emailing your digital photos to friends and family? Some email programs have a limit on the maximum size for a single transmission. You could hit this upper limit on the sending OR receiving end, and in some cases, both the message and attachments are silently discarded! (I've seen this limit as low as 2 MB!)

An entry-level digital camera can produce image files larger than 1MB depending on the settings of your camera. So your chances of getting the photos successfully sent AND received are improved by using a lower resolution setting, and by emailing in smaller batches.

You can also reduce the resolution and size of the images with your photo editing software. If your application doesn't demand super high resolution, you can probably reduce the file sizes by a factor of 5-10X, which will allow you to send more images in a single batch. IrfanView [ free download at http://www.irfanview.com ] is a popular tool for manipulating images files.

An even better solution is to put the images on the web, and let people view or download them when they're ready. This is especially important when the intended recipients are using a slow dialup connection. See my article "Photo Printing and Sharing" to get my picks for the best photo sharing services on the Web.

http://askbobrankin.com/photo_printing_and_sharing.html

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That's all for now, see you next time! -- Bob Rankin

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==[ Tourbus Rider Information ]==
The Internet Tourbus - U.S. Library of Congress ISSN #1094-2238 Copyright 1995-2005, Rankin & Crispen - All rights reserved Tourbus News Service - http://tourbus.com/news.html Subscribe, Signoff, Archives, Free Stuff and More at the Tourbus Website - http://www.TOURBUS.com
========================
.~~~. ))
(\__/) .' ) )) Patrick Douglas Crispen
/o o \/ .~
{o_, \ { crispen@netsquirrel.com
/ , , ) \ http://www.netsquirrel.com/
`~ -' \ } )) AOL Instant Messenger: Squirrel2K
_( ( )_.'
---..{____} Warning: squirrels.
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Scheduled Activities
~~~
Alcoholics Anonymous meets at 8 p.m. Monday - Friday. At noon on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays and at 7 p.m. Sunday at 914 N. Vine
~~~
Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
~~~
Columbia County Diabetes Support Group - Every third Monday, 7:00 p.m. room 222, Magnolia Hospital
~~~
"Focus on the Family" with Dr. James Dobson weekday afternoons at 1 PM on KVMA am 630 it's a great show!
~~~
MCC - Abraham Prayer - Sunday at 5:00 p.m and Wednesday from 11:30 am to 1:00 pm
~~~
MCC - "Beth Moore" Video Class - Thursday nights at 5:45 pm
~~~
MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
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MCC - Firm Foundations Class, Sunday 9:30 to 10:15 a.m
~~~
MCC - Meadow Brook Nursing Home Ministry Tuesday from 10:00 to 11:00 a.m
~~~
MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
~~~
MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
~~~
Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
~~~
Narcotics Anonymous 5-6 pm every Monday at 220 Pine street.
~~~
TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) 5 pm every Tuesday in the Magnolia Hospital break room.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." - - Paul Troquille
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
~~~~~
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
Mark 12:28-31 2 Cor 4:6-7 John 4:31-36 Mat 10:16-18 Ezek 33:17-19 http://www.e-min.org/
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E-mail at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the "Blog" version just go to one of the several addresses on the web. For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com or http://www.bugsbleat3q06.blogspot.com. Older issues can be found at http://www.bugsbleatfirst.blogspot.com, http://www.bugsbleat1q.blogspot.com, http://www.bugsbleat3q05.blogspot.com, and http://www.bugsbleat4q05.blogspot.com. We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.
Let us hear from you if we can switch you over to the "Word" or "PDF" version of "Da Bleat".
If you'd prefer to read "Da Blog" version, just drop us a note at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com and we'll switch you from e:mail delivery to "Da Bleat" Blog. We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2006 before it was sent.
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